Is your cat fat or phat?
Type how much your cat weighs on the form below to find out!
Congratulations! Your cat might be phat, but it isn't fat.
Diet Plans:
- Harvest an avocado from the realm of Xibalba.
- Peel it with a Mesopotamian sacrificial ritual knife.
- Smash the avocado using the Eternal Mortar and Pestle of Yog-Sothoth.
- Serve it on top of a fish caught fresh from Atlantis.
- If prepared correctly, your cat will be able to read minds.
- Challenge Priapus, god of fertility, to a Pokemon card game. Claim a head of broccoli as your prize.
- Slice the broccoli using the Large Hadron Collider.
- Find the block of cheese that Hannibal ate from before crossing the Alps and cut a chunk off.
- Melt the cheese using the flames of Mount Doom. Serve it on top of the broccoli.
- If prepared correctly, your cat will remember when the strength of men failed.
- Catch a clam with the spear of Poseidon.
- Pay respects at the grave of Treebeard and pick some twigs from his remains.
- Visit an Andean shaman, learn how to breathe fire, and set the twigs ablaze.
- Season with pepper from a waterlogged ship lost during the Crusades.
- If served correctly, your cat's alignment will change to chaotic neutral.
- Slowly dangle the catnip in front of your cat's face and tell it, "no more," with your hands on your hips.
- Invite Chris Hansen over and have an intervention with your cat.
- After the intervention, proceed to place locks on all the cabinets to stop the cat's rage.
- Go to Pet Smart, skip the lasagna, pizza, and ice cream, and get the leanest cat food you can find.
- After three days, your cat should stop with all the sass and thank you for getting it back into good shape.
Unfortunately, your cat is so fat its blood type might be mayonnaise. Please take your cat to the nearest vet as soon as possible.
